With innocence, enthusiasm and faith, we will be able to create heaven on earth


Geneva 18.11.2005. When you go beyond the ego, you become an offering to the world. Rather a long time since I last wrote to you. So much has happened in these four months. We all went through the brainwashing of bird flue and so much else they want us to swallow, in order to forget what is really important. France is burning, Fallujah in Iraq bombarded with Napalm, the list of atrocities is endless. Fortunately we have beings like Amma, who come from India to Europe, to teach us and to help us get out of darkness and get in touch with what is really important, with our real Self, with the Being of Light we all are. Thousands went to get her darshan, the blessings of her divine presence, I went to Winterthur and to Toulon, France. The documentary film, about Amma’s life, “darshan” will soon be coming to our movies. I hope that you have the opportunity to go and see it. Last Sunday Dr. Anantakrishna from India came to Geneva to give us a seminar on the Upanishades. All together these four months were very much blessed. In one week my contract at the Botanical Garden will come to its end. I use this time to work on my photos for the next part of the film “Portrait”. Please check the latest updates on the webpage http://www.alistairmills.com/adriana/index.html You may order your x-mas cards, just let me know which painting and what text and you can send them over the Internt to spread some light.

Om shanty. Be happy

Geneva, 18 July 2005. After a refreshing week-end in Bern, swimming down the river Aare and participating in a conference of an Indian scientist and mystic, Sant Rajinder Sing, Ji Maharaj, I start the week before my PC, sharing with you some of my deep insights I got at seeing the latest updates of the Tsunami victims in India. First I would like to share some quotes and achievements of our beloved Amma. “Praying with tears helps us to stop brooding on the past and dreaming about the future. All over the world, people are looking for love and peace, the need is universal. I am like a river flowing and people have a great thirst, I like to quench that thirst."  Born into the Hindu faith, Amma (Mother) 51, whose full name is Mata Amritanandamayi Devi, which translates into Mother of immortal bliss, grew up poor in a fishing village, a low-caste woman destined for a humble domestic life who instead became a revered figure all over the world. She is in charge of the largest humanitarian organisation in India, under her guidance the Super Speciality AIMS hospital, colleges, orphanages, schools and thousands of houses for the poor as well as the Tsunami victims were built. She spends most of her days sitting cross-legged in a low chair, receiving thousands of supplicants on their knees, she discusses blueprints for charitable homes and gives interviews through a translator while people's heads are pressed for darshan (blessings) to her shoulder.

She has been embracing her followers for more than 30 years, a practice that placed her in conflict with Indian society. Amma has been known to offer hug after hug for more than 20 hours straight. In Southern India she gave hugs to 45,000 people in one stretch. It is estimated she has hugged more than 25 million people of all faiths, from all the cultures of the world. Amma, encourages her followers to go deeper into their own religions, believing that there is no harm in having many religions and faiths in the world. Amma is recognized as the first major spiritual figure in India to allow women to serve as temple priests, challenging the male-dominated tradition. In India, a holy woman hugging strangers is so unorthodox that one member of her own family tried to kill her.

Amma first travelled to Europe and the United States in 1987.  I was one of the fortunate ones to meet her in the Early 90is in the Swiss mountain’s, in Schweibenalp, near the lake of Brienz, in the Berneese Oberland, from where the river Aare originates. I feel that Amma has blessed that place and the river, swimming down the Aare is always a great joy, so rejuvenating and refreshing. Amma teaches by emphasizing selfless social service and compassion. She encourages her followers to do the same: "No matter how much wealth we have, unless we properly understand its value and use, we will experience only sorrow. What we derive from it is only temporary. It cannot give eternal happiness." Inspired by her teaching that "our greatest obligation in this world is to serve our fellow beings; compassion to the poor is our duty to God" thousands of volunteers have worked worldwide to give direct aid and education to the poor. In the USA, Amma's children launched a soup-kitchen project in 40 cities. "I don't do anything for myself," I have no needs. I see my image in the faces of the people who come to me, as reflected in a mirror. They are in me, and I am in them."  

Geneva 15 July 2005.  Thank God it is Friday. Let me tell you the story of the three frogs. Three frogs fell into a cream pot. After about 15 minutes, the first one, discouraged said to the others, we will never get out, ceased to struggle and died. Five minutes later the second, the realist shows to the other that there is nothing more to do and sinks as well. The third, the utopian struggles one minute more, just the time for the cream to harden and to find himself, healthy and alive on a butter heap.  Thank you for being a true friend, for your continuous support and loving kindness, blessings to you. DVD copies of the film “Portrait” 2005, 30 min, are now available and you may order your copy. Please find a short version of the film under www.alistairmills.com I also found out why I could not burn DVD copies from my office or home computer. I did not have the complete version of Nero. The support staff at CBJ told me that the PC I use has not enough capacity for such large files. This week they replaced the old tractor for a brand new powerful tool.  We will install a programme to copy DVD’s on my home computer.  I am very grateful for all the help and support I am getting in solving the technical challenges. There are many young people who are interested in co-creating a world of beauty, compassion, peace, love and understanding.

Pam took digital and negative photos of my paintings 2004-2005, see above. She also started painting portraits and shared her work with me. Painting portraits is the most difficult thing in the world. It is interesting to see the evolution of a painter through his/her work; this is why I started to document what I have created so far. An oil painting often has many layers; once the oil is dry one can paint another layer. Every painting starts with an idea; it evolves over weeks, months, or years. I like to have photos of the beginning and then how it develops and transforms. Many friends have been a very precious help, we stimulate each other’s creativity and clarify each other’s vision.   "Life is a co-creative force, a co-creative reality. Everything is co-creating everything else. No matter what we do or don't do, we are all co-creating our future together." Tom Atlee, Science of Mind.  “Science needs direction from spirituality. While we accomplish immense growth in computer education and Internet experimentation, we should not forget the truth that it is spirituality that teaches us how to use knowledge with discrimination." Amma

Geneva, 20 June 2005. Producing the first part of “Portrait” was a great learning process, teaching me many lessons, above all humility and patience. The most important is to remind myself of the goal, that I progress on my journey as a soul, release the past and all its illusions, forgive myself for what I have or have not done. Whenever I find the energy to go deeper into the Art of painting, experimenting with colours and brushes, I am aware of the present moment, accepting and welcoming all my emotions, joy and pain. Painting is prayer, one should pray before and during painting, it not only releases stress, but brings me closer to my true self.

Many turned their back on others suffering, however accepting great pain and many tears is the way that leads to total freedom. Many do not know the value of true friendship and how much we can grow from it. I believe that in sharing my experiences and in reproducing my work my suffering can be transformed and become a source of inspiration to others. Help often comes from where one least expects it. I am spending 8 hours a day before a PC, scanning and digitalising images, and studying new programmes such as Photoshop, to create a good cover for the DVD.   I do my best to remember that everything on the outside is temporary and real happiness, eternal happiness can only be found on the inside. Then it reflects on the outside. Here is the text for your suggestions on editing.

“Adriana Auderset was born in 1951 in Bern, Switzerland; She has travelled to over 70 countries, she worked the past 20 years in Geneva, in the secretariat of International Organisations. She started to study Yoga in London, in 1972, and Meditation in India in 1980. She went to China, and Vietnam to study Buddhism in Zen Monasteries. In 1986 she obtained a post graduate Diploma in Development Studies from the IUED in Geneva. In 2001 she was unemployed and went with a project to Russia and Georgia, where she studied Russian as well as the ancient techniques of Iconography and oil painting.


Adriana’s documentary film “Portrait” is inviting people to be present in the “Here and Now”, enjoying the colours and motives of her paintings, which are healing to body, soul and spirit. Her sensitivity and warmth, shining through each one of her canvases is inspiring people to open up to their intuition and creative energy. With her work she would like to encourage others to develop their artistic brain, to wake up to the wisdom that lies buried in each and every one and to live their dreams.  Following the Path of Self Realisation, she believes that love for Truth and sincerity is the cornerstone for ones spiritual development. ”


Geneva, 9 June 2005. In summer 2003 and 2004 I painted in the small public garden of the residence of Voltaire, situated near my flat, which used to be quite a secluded, lovely place. Now an association is using part of the garden and the energy has changed. In the process the hedge, bushes and plants where chopped down, to make space. The space then was used as a dog toilet and was soon full of excrements. Then the city decided to plant some lavender and herbs. Beginning of the week I carried on my bicycle many flower pots I had recuperated from the Botanical Garden to the garden and we planted them with the children. The children where having a great time planting flowers and then watering them, even some of the parents got involved in this creative process.  The children asked me if I could come back and bring more flowers.  So I went again yesterday, with more flowers and earth I had bought in the shop. I saw that someone had uprooted the flowers and pumpkins saplings we had planted; the plants were gone, destroyed. Already the years before people destroyed or uprooted and stole what I planted. I read in the paper that even the rose garden near the lake got destroyed over night. Some frustrated persons need to get it out at the roses, the flowers and the poor pumpkin saplings!  Unfortunately this vandalism, incivilities and rude actions are not unique, they are like cancer cells, spreading everywhere.

This spring I painted on one of Francis many balconies. I brought her many flowers and pots. She had a back operation and has a lot of pain as well as loosing memory. Smoking like a chimney is not helping to improve her health problems, however it is difficult for a smoker to let go of this weed, as it is a cover to many deeper emotions. Most smokers are in what I call the denial phase, they know tobacco addiction is bad but it is too painful for them to look what they cover up. Smoking tobacco is a health hazard, but smoker’s minds are so tricky, playing it down as not so bad. Tobacco addicts need to come to terms that nicotine is a lethal drug, the number one killer.. The more one smokes the more one is feeling depressed, I speak from experience. I am very grateful that I was able to stop, I feel much better and it saves me a lot of money. A pack of 20 is now about 4 €, which is 1500 € a year. I try to help smokers releasing some of their deep hurts, to allow them to let go of the weed. I warn children to never start, as it only takes one cigarette to be addicted for 20 years or a lifetime. I stay away as much as I can from people who engage in smoking and drinking  as they are really bad traps, during this time nothing is created energy, money and time are wasted. 

Life is becoming more and more stressful and complex, in Europe and in the Third World countries. We are living in a small and rich city, here in Geneva; we can create paradise. To create one needs ideas, then find ways to implement them, it takes a lot of effort, to follow up a project one needs persevere, work hard and reach the goal. This gives so much joy. To find our true Self, we need to learn to relax, to meditate and to stay in a positive frame of mind. It is better not to get involved into any negativity. Why do I bother to write? I find that writing clarifies my mind, opens me up to creative ideas. Meditation, relaxation and writing are helping me to find solutions to challenges, before they can turn into anger, frustration, nightmares or depression. I focus on the fact that I am able to change, adapt to new situations, that I can manage stress. I hope that sharing some of these ideas is putting some light into this dark world. When I feel sad I remind myself that this will also pass.  Pam came to the Botanical Garden to get some flowers to plant on the balcony of the Brahma Kumari’s meditation centre. They give workshop on yoga, meditation and personal development, how to deal with emotions, stress and change.  I enjoy their classes and find them very helpful. I focus on the project of leaving Geneva by end of November 05, to go to India and Australia. I am getting ready to leave for good, or a few months at least.  This will be a major change after living in the same place for over 20 years. Before I will be able to go, I need to find someone to whom I can sublet my flat. There is still a lot of paper work to be sorted out. A lot of clearing clutter work, so much to be released. Some more lessons of detachment!  I released the car, I only own a bicycle and I am grateful every morning if it is still there. It is my 5th bicycle this year; some organised gangs come regularly during the night to steal them. With much love and compassion

Geneva, 27 May 2005. Dearest, your answer to my last mail was very much appreciated. I feel blessed to have you as a friend, through your words Amma is speaking to me, sending her loving energy. You are a pure channel of her love and compassion, and I am waiting to read the first chapter of your autobiography. Marlise, one of my friends living in Berne, my place of birth, gave me the book “the way of the Mother” in German. It is helping me a lot going within. So even though I am physically far away from Mother, I feel that she is taking care of me, helping me to work on some deeper trauma and releasing it. I go once a week for acupuncture treatment, I am very confident with the therapist. The pain in my hip is bearable. I still remember the row I had with the ashram panchakarma doctor. I was probably expecting too much from this cure.
Russia and Georgia have been in many ways interesting, especially painting with Russian Masters.  Painting in their Aura was very beneficial. I regret only that the training I got was to short and that now I have to work on my own. Russia also brought up some deep traumatic experiences, of war, concentration camps, hunger and starvation. I did not feel safe and due to the language barrier could not communicate.  Now I have a copy of the film I made, it needs to be multiplied, however,  I plan to make a next part of the film as I have a lot of material left. I send you the cover as attachment.  With love

Geneva 26.5.2005 Dearest, my contract in the Botanical Garden was extended for another six months, until 25th of November 2005. I choose to take this job opportunity, even though the work they ask me to do is extremely repetitive. I scan images, treat them in Photoshop and enter them to a database on Excel. I have done already over 3000.  I motivate myself every day to come, the surroundings of the gardens help a lot, also the possibility to use a fast Internet and being able to correspond with many people outside the office. I discovered many interesting Internet Sites and also made some interesting contacts. I share a large office with young people, which is stimulating, last year I spent a lot of time alone in my flat and got depressed. I was also able to scan some of my family pictures which I will be able to use for my film project; for the next chapter.  Pascal, a young man I helped to get of the tobacco habit, showed me how to make a small brochure with Photoshop, which I have sent to my mother. She enjoyed it very much and was very happy about it. She suggested that I should write a book in the meantime, that it takes too long for a painter to get famous. 

Last week-end Francis and me took out the colours once more, we had a long break over the winter, as we have no workshop we can paint only on the balcony, and we had to wait for the sun and the warm weather to come back. We both painted the same portrait and will make some digital photos to be able to share our work with you. I was a bit tense the first day, as I had not painted for so long. I thought that I had forgotten everything, but the second day went much better.  We were pleased with the result. We both run out of canvases, the price here for linen canvas is quite high, most shops now sell imported cotton canvas from China. I am boycotting all that comes from China. The quality is low; they exploit the cheap labour and sell their products with a lot of profit.  Soon all our factories in Europe are closing down and we will only consume Chinese goods. I asked the painters in Cuba about the price of canvas, they said that it was not available on the market. One day my paintings will sell, but only Amma knows when this day comes, I hope that I will still be alive to enjoy the fruit. Since I started in 1998, I have been investing only, material, energy and time. I only sold a few aquarelles to close friends and family. Part of my salary this month will go for canvases; in Russia I was able to work with good material, now I am spoilt and only enjoy painting on linen canvas, with high quality oil colours. 

For my film project I need to take all my material to a good editor, either in Cuba or India, they are my best options. My initial idea of going to Cuba was to meet people in the film industry to continue my film project. I had seen so many good films made in Cuba, made on small budgets. I worked on the last day of my trip taking images in La Havana. I got the contact with a woman who is a professional script writer for Cuban TV, through the plastic artist William I met in Trinidad. We worked together with a camera man from Cuban TV and a rented professional camera. The cost was quite high, compared to Russia, but the images are professional and the experience was excellent. I asked my boss to make a copy of the DV cassette; however he could not copy the images to the computer, as the Americas have a different system. I plan to go back to India to spend some time with Mother, before going to Australia.  They have now their proper TV station, in India there are many good people in the film industry. None of them made it to Cannes, but a film about Amma produced by a Dutch/French team made it and I am waiting to see it in the movie theatre.

I feel very happy after my trip to Cuba, I was so lucky all the way. I did not reserve any hotel and had of course some doubts of whether this was a good idea or not, but fortunately it all turned out for the best. The tourist hotels are all in one place, where the Cubans are not allowed and I would have spent two weeks with tourists only, sun and sand and boring people. In the plane I met a Dutch woman married to a Cuban, living in Trinidad. She recommended the place to me. Upon arrival at Varadero airport I found out that US currency was no longer used in Cuba they printed their own money called Convertibles, some kind of Monopoly money, for the 100 US$ they give 80 Convertibles. This currency is for tourists, all accommodation, hotels, guesthouses and transports have to be paid in this currency. The good bars and restaurants too, they are not for Cubans. The Cubans use Cuban pesos and you get 24 Pesos for one Convertible. Many shops sell Western goods, soap, shampoo clothes, shoes, they are all in Convertibles. The shops with Cuban pesos are rationed and the Cubans need ration cards to buy the goods. The Government now takes 20% taxes on exchanging US currency, and 15% on Euro. I was not able to share the taxi with the couple, as they did not have a car with a licence for tourists. All transport, buses and taxis for tourists are very expensive.  I was fortunate to find a car going to Trinidad, it was about 450 km drive, quite a lot after a long plane trip, but this way I did not stay in the tourist ripp-off of Varadero. The driver organised private accommodation.

Trinidad had all I could dream off; the family I stayed liked me very much and treated me very well. They cooked for me delicious meals and we had good conversations. The white sand beach with coconut trees was about 15 km away, so I went a few days to swim and roast, the heat was extreme and I soon got red as a lobster. The first day on the beach I met a Swiss musician; I went with him at night to listen to the live Cuban music bands. The music was outstanding; we had a lot of fun trying some salsa dancing. I think that he got a bit frustrated that I spoke Spanish and had lots of fun and that I would not translate everything for him. I told him that jokes are difficult to translate and that I was on a holiday. I have been working as a Tour Manager, interpreter and translator for many years if people pay for my service I gladly assist them and interpret for them, but when I have paid for my own ticket and hotel I feel free to do whatever I want, also to say NO to other people’s expectations. I used my time well and got to know many good musicians and artists and started working with one musician Uriah, and some plastic artists on a project of promotion. Unfortunately we could not save the material on a DVD; in all Trinidad there are only about two people who have DVD burners.  I have a short version on a CD. Uriah promised to send me the DVD by post. Technically they are not as advanced as Russia.

From Trinidad I took a tourist bus to La Havana, where I stayed just for 2 nights, Saturday and Sunday. Monday I worked until the very last moment with a local film crew. Around 5pm I suddenly had a flash, my mind cleared up and I realised that I did not have another day,  that I had to go immediately to check out when the last bus was leaving for the Varadero airport, as the plane was leaving in the night, on Tuesday at 00:30. This is the first time this happened to me to be so mixed up about the departure time and date. I was able to catch the last bus to Varadero, which is 80 km away from La Havana,   leaving at 6 pm, the drivers had mercy and dropped me off at the airport.  I arrived early and had to wait for 6 hours, the plane was delayed, I was feeling very grateful once I sat in the airport, missing the plane would have been catastrophic, as I had a charter flight, only valid for this day and all my money was spent. I started to relax only once I was sitting in the plane. I was happy to have a DV cassette with professional film images in my rucksack, produced with a local TV crew.  The material is of high quality, it needs to be edited, and I am looking for help for this part. I also have some very good music to go with it. I asked my boss to make me a DVD copy of the material, as he has all the equipment at home. These two weeks meant to be just a holiday, to get a first impression of Cuba and to make some contacts with people in the film and artistic fields. It worked out that I started working with Cuban artists as I found the Cuban music and art scene incredibly rich and inspiring.

All the Cubans I met where very warm and incredibly kind and very open for communication. To them I was like a fresh wind coming from oversees. We all had a great exchange and a good time, however many of them opened their hearts to me and told me how much they suffer and how tired they are of the system and how much longer they have to wait for some change. There was so little I could do, only encourage them to go on and never to give up. I gave them marbles of good fortune and they all loved them and I got back many smiles.  This trip was only a preparation for the next one, now I know what to expect and what to bring, however when we fly we are limited to 20kg. I am looking forward to go back; even though it was not a cheap trip.  I just touched the surface, watching some videos on their traditions of African trance and ancestor cults. I would be interesting to find out more about their way of communicating with Spirits, mainly Africans. In September 2003 I went for a fourth night to Greece, to the island of Kos, the plane fare was less expensive than to Cuba, it is much nearer, I enjoyed it, however Greece did not have the magic Cuba has. 

I could plan another trip in October or November 2005 to continue the work I started. Then I could go on to India for some time, stay near Amma and from there to Australia. At the moment I do not know, I leave it open. If I manage to stick it out until the end of the six month contract this will give me back the right to get unemployment benefits. As there are so many unemployed people now here in Geneva, and the rest of Europe the control and bureaucratic chicanes are changing. I could leave Switzerland for a few months, check out my possibilities in Australia, come back and get unemployment money for some time. Anyway this is all speculation, but one has to think carefully how to survive financially in this economic jungle. I need to contribute for another 10 years to AVS the Swiss old age pension plan before I can retire. I can contribute to this plan being abroad, but this in another bureaucratic hassle one has to think of and manage well. I do not want to be a penniless artist.

The basic Swiss health insurance now charge about 3000 € a year, it is compulsory if one lives and works in Switzerland to pay insurance every month. The charges go up every year.  We are forced to support this pharmaceutical industry, if we like it or not. Since I have come back from India I only use herbal medicine and this medicine I have to pay myself, it is not reimbursed by the insurance. The only way to get out of this corrupt system is to leave definitely the country, which I plan to do at the end of my contract in the Botanical Garden. I am planning to leave for Australia. Until then I have time to get organised.   It is easy to go to Australia, one can solicit a three month tourist visa over the Internet, or from the travel agent, however to stay for longer term, or to emigrate will be another issue. I would like to sublet my flat for a couple of months, to have enough time to check out Down under. It is now over 20 years that I have been there. I also need to find someone who will take good professional pictures of my paintings at a reasonable price. I had an offer from a Colombian woman living in the same building; however I did not feel confident with her.

As you can see this heavy schedule, leaves no time to come to Russia. I still have a suitcase there waiting for me. In June 2003, I was quite sure of going back. Maybe this Russian chapter is closed for now. Now in June are the White nights, which is the most gorgeous time of the year in St. Petersburg. I feel nostalgic; when I think of the wonderful time we have spent together. I am happy that I was able to capture some of these moments on canvas and on film. It is the past and I try to live happy in the present moment, creating an even brighter future. AAA

« Life is not going to be a bed of roses. You will have to tread thorny paths and face many obstacles. You may even feel confused and lose your sense of direction in the overwhelming darkness. But then, it is a matter of will. You should fight till you establish dharma, even if it means you have to make sacrifices." Amma


Geneva, 31 March 2005.

Dearest Tatjana, I create my day. I live my life, all day long, thinking about, being a genius, or being the glory and the power of God, or being a spark of Unconditional Love, living here on planet Earth to bring beauty and inspiration to suffering humanity. When during parts of the day I feel like a genius, I'll have thoughts that are so amazing, that cause a chill in my physical body. I remember that that thought has an associated energy, that's produced an effect in my physical body. That's a subjective experience, but the truth is, that I don't think that unless I was creating my day to have unlimited thought, that that thought would come. AAA

Geneva, 18 March 2005.  For Tatjana, in Russia. The week from 11-19 March 2005 the 3rd International Festival of Human Rights Films was held in Geneva, with an alternative Tribune to inform to denounce atrocities against human dignity in the world. The festival coincided with the 61st UN conference on Human Rights. Films and discussions with the public were on different themes, such as women’s rights and fundamentalism, poverty and riches. They invited the Nobel Prize winner Shirin Ebadi, Iran.  On Sunday the issues were terrorism and security policies, with a film on showing the massacre of Beslan, Russia. On Monday, the theme was media and conflicts, the film was about journalists who are murdered, in Russia, because they expose corruption.  One of the French journalist who was captured in Iraq was there for the debate. Tuesday the issue was homosexuals and state repression; Wednesday torture and security politics, they showed a film about the prison of Abu Graib, Iraq. Friday a film paying homage to the murdered UN human rights commissioner Sergio Vieiro de Mello, in Bagdad; and another about the urgency in Africa, in Darfour, Sudan. Saturday films and discussions were on human rights abuse in Palestine and the terror created by Israel. The day of closure the issue was privatisation of water.

I am glad to hear that the presents, photo and letters from Geneva arrived in Russia. The photo was taken in my flat in Geneva, in May 2003. Thank you for the compliments, it really touches me and I feel good that you think that it gives you the impression that I am "a noble lady of a king family". I humbly bring the lamp of light wherever I go and share some human values and human rights. Where there is light there is no darkness. You know that even though I do not come physically, I am there with you in thoughts and in my prayers. The path I follow is very steep and often dangerous; I am sometimes waking on a razor blade. My mission here on Earth becomes clearer every day as I release fears and work on my past traumas. Faith in the Divine mother gives me the energy to step out boldly into the unknown. Love, light, peace and social justice for all are my motivation.

Yes the pullover was knitted by me with much love, take good care of it. The seeds are pumpkins and I hope that next autumn you will have plenty to harvest.  The pills are anti depressant, they were prescribed by a doctor here in Geneva, and I took them for some weeks, I stopped, I did not want to become dependent on drugs.  I started acupuncture treatment, I put on 10 kg since I am back from Russia, the result of overindulging in rich food. The eczema I got on my feet while in Russia is still there and the hip is painful. It is important to focus our minds and never loose our destiny, our goal. No matter how difficult the situation is I will never give up until I have completed the task. I have set out on this journey to reach Self-Realisation, to unite once more with the ocean of love of the universe. With this clear goal in mind I try not to loose my thoughts, in small unimportant matter, I try to focus them on the goal I want to reach. Then I have some intermediate goals, one is the production of the film. Wishing you happiness always


Dear, Dear Sister Suhasini,
Thank you so much for your refreshing, heartfelt letter. yes, the crimes of the ego are almost endless. All we can do is our part to change from within, humbly praying and opening up to the Grace of the Divine Mother and Father and Lover and Friend and Brother and Sister and Child and... to help us become a pure instrument of the Divine. We cannot change ourselves without this Grace and we certainly can't change others except by changing ourselves. It's OK to be aware of the crimes of others, but to focus too strongly on it is another crime of the ego, which tends to prefer anything other than humility. Humility is perhaps the most difficult and most important quality needed on the spiritual path.
In Her Love,




"The Mind Divides, the Heart Unites" Amma".

Geneva, 8.3.2005, women’s day. The Earth was created to bring souls to their divine destiny; it is carrying a heavy burden. Lord I did not ask you to create me. I am here because you put me here. I will do the best I can, but I have no desires except to do your will. I don't want to be sent back here to suffer anymore." Paramahansa Yogananda

Every gun that is made, every warship launched, every rocket fired, signifies in the final sense a theft from those who hunger and are not fed, those who are cold and are not clothed. "President D. Eisenhower, 1953

There is only one thing more powerful than all the armies of the world, that is an idea whose time has come. - Victor Hugo

"Human beings possess capabilities of mind that are literally beyond genius. » Barbara Brown

"Whatever you can do or dream you can, begin it. Boldness has genius, power, and magic in it. » Johann Wolfgang von Goethe

Imagination is more important than knowledge. » Albert Einstein

"God grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, courage to change the things I can, and the wisdom to know the difference. » The serenity prayer

“May the tree of our life be firmly rooted in the soil of love;
Let good deeds be the leaves on that tree;
May words of kindness form its flowers;
May peace be its fruits. Let us grow and unfold as one family, united in love so that we may rejoice and celebrate our oneness in a world where peace and contentment prevail.” aaa

Thank you for taking time to read my letters and for your answers which are always inspiring. This morning I feel very good. Last night I started filling out the tax papers, they provide a CD and it took me a couple of hours, tonight I hopefully only have to print it out and send it. I will feel even better once it is in the mail. I think we all dread filling out tax forms, we wait for the deadline to approach, then groan and finally do it to avoid having to pay a fine for sending it in late, but on the other hand it means that we are in a much better place than the ones who lost all. However it is always a big burden and is lingering on the mind until we do it and get it over. The good news with this new system is that one can see right away how much we need to pay and fortunately I will not pay too much, as I only had a job for 6 weeks last year. It will need another effort tonight to get them out of my way, as well as the bills. Anyway I hope that this was the last tax form I filled out in Geneva, as this year I definitely want to move on, I have been talking about it long enough. This week-end I plan to go to the Angels meditation in Locarno, South of Switzerland.

I got confirmation that Amma’s book has reached my friends in Russia and I am happy that the report I sent about human rights violation in Chechnya also arrived. I know that the war in Chechnya is dreadful, but I think it is important for people in Russia to know what is happening, to share the information and to decide that there was enough blood spelt and tears shed on Russian soil. True information will help people to see the manipulations and wake up to the Truth. During the time of the iron curtain so many things were impossible, now with Internet the information gets around fast. I spent a lot of time on the PC this winter, writing and reading about Amma’s work, the conspiracy theories, the Illuminatis. I also saw many good films which helped me understand a lot better how the world is ruled and what is preventing us from having peace now and how difficult it is to change the war mongers mentality. I am very grateful for the opportunities I had to live in such different worlds as Russia, India, Asia, and always be able to come back to my save heaven of Geneva, Switzerland. The past months I didn’t just get old and fat, I also progressed much in the clear the clutter process.  I created space and I am feeling less stuck in my 30m2. My niece from Zurich was here for 10 days and we shared this small place, when she left back to Zurich, I felt homesick. In my imagination Zurich is a better place to live than Geneva, however one needs a lot of money, but there are more work opportunities than in Geneva and the art scene in more important. It is the commercial town of Switzerland, with a large University.

Sunday 6 April 05 we went to a spa at a luxury hotel in Geneva, with my neighbour F., who has bought a yearly pass for this posh place. When I was swimming in the pool I was remembering the time when I went swimming in Russia, in a dreadful old run down swimming pool,  and what extremes I experienced these last years, months and weeks.  F. is Moroccan, a good locking attractive young lady, very ambitious; she has started her own company of relocation. She rents offices down town Geneva and is leasing a big Mercedes car. She is divorced from the father of her child, and is looking to find her rich prince from a Gulf country who can give her all the riches and luxuries she desires.  A Lebanese man offered us a bottle of wine at the hotel bar, after the spa, trying to seduce her. It was also the first day of work for the new nanny, Lily from Romania, who came along to look after Mona Lisa. Lily left her country to come and work here as a nanny. She will get about 500 Euro a month which is a lot of money in her country. She was also very impressed by the luxury hotel. It felt like being on a holiday, we enjoyed it very much.

The acupuncture therapist wants to help me sell my work; he is hanging my paintings in his treating rooms. I started framing some of my work last year for the exhibition. Once they are framed, they are taking up much more room in my flat, I feel it is time that they should hang somewhere where people can see them and get the good energy from them. Roberto who was with me in the same programme in Spb has helped me to create some space in my cellar, by putting up some wood shelves, where I can stock the paintings. They have been sitting near the electrical heating, ever since I came back from Russia, which is not doing them any good. I needed to clear out the cellar first and create space. I had to take a lawyer as the owners of the apartment wanted again more rent and I am already paying too much for this tiny place. Looking for a new place of residence in Zurich will be challenging but if the time is right for a move it will happen and I will get the help I need. According to my horoscope, which was done last year when I was in India, summer 2005 will be the time for me great change, I would like to spend time in Australia, however it is not so easy to get a resident visa and that might take time. I need to keep a place here in Switzerland, where I can come back too. Hopefully I can sell some of the paintings before I go. I would like to change my lifestyle, my flat, I felt that I have been here in Geneva long enough, I came End of 1983, so it is now my 22nd  year.

Geneva, 2 March 2005. I am always so grateful to hear from you, it helps me to feel connected and put things in perspective. Since I got this job offer from the City of Geneva, in the Botanical garden, I could not really refuse it, but it meant that I could not go to India as I had hoped. However the job contract is for 6 months and can be renewed for another 6 months, so there is plenty of time to travel this year and some extra cash is always welcome.  I often visit Amma's Internet page and appreciate that we get to see all the photos as well as daily news about her activities. I plan a trip to France, to Chartres, to Amma’s Ashram for Easter. I will go tonight to book a train to Paris. Today I called my friend Maguey who lives near Paris and we plan to go together.

This winter I was working, in a warm office, sitting on a comfortable chair and I had time to surf on the Internet. I also received many e-mails from committed people. I read and watched many horror stories, endless war crimes, and 9-11 scenarios. Ever since the Americans started the war of Iraq we have become aware of how they are manipulating us with the news, TV and press to make us believe that dropping bombs and mass destruction will bring democracy and freedom. Reading and watching these films and TV news takes a lot of vital energy, it touches deep suffering and despair, to balance it we need to meditate, pray, read spiritual books.

I also went to the exhibition about the Soviet Gulag, and learnt that Stalin and his bureaucracy are responsible for the 66 millions who where slaughtered during this period, I watched BBC documentaries, and read part of Solshenizins work. I still have one of his books on the Goulag at my bedside, but I cannot read it all, it is so dense. I also went to an Indian film festival where I saw a documentary film about Hindu fundamentalists looting and killing Moslem families. I often feel tired and exhausted and like ET wanting to go home and never come back! However there is work to be done before we can leave, clearing the clutter on the material side which will help us get free on the spiritual side, to leave my personal belongings, papers, clothes, books need to be sorted and given away. Let us pray to the Divine mother that all hearths of mothers be healed in all four directions, East, West, North, and South: Africa, America, Europe/Russia, Middle East, India/Asia. 

Geneva, 16.2.2005.

Why do we fight?  We watched Arte last night, why do we fight? They showed how the American Imperial Military complex developed ever since the Second World War into the Giant all destructive war empire it is today. Eisenhower has warned them not to let it grow out of control. They showed how the War Industry profits to the Elite. They showed the immense profit the Elite makes with every war and how they have built over the years many dictators, to have power over the oil, the Shah of Persia, Saddam, to name just a few. How many wars they have been fighting all over the world, to have total power and total control Ever since Vietnam they hide body bags, and wounded GI’s from the American public. Ever since the 1st Golf War we know that journalists are bought to report the official version, the Media is under control.


The good news is that every Great Empire so far has disappeared, the Roman Empire, 2000 years ago, as well as the Nazis, Stalin, and many more. But how many more innocent women, children, old people have to dye before enough of us say stop. We need to stand up everywhere, we want peace now. Many American people are blind and believe the official lies. These Elite with their spokesmen Bush, Cheney and their friends are the people of the lie living on Planet Earth. Just as Hitler, Stalin, Pinochet, they allow torture in prisons of Guantanamo and Abu Graib in the name of peace and democracy..


10 million went to the streets to protest against the Iraq war. They pretended that it will be a short war, but they were lying, they want to stay in Iraq, they are building their military bases in 14 locations. American people have been manipulated, when asked why we fight. Nobody really knew, some said for freedom, for democracy. When Rumsfeld and Bush prepared Americans for the war, they talked about weapons of mass destruction of Saddam, it is the American war industry who produces and makes profit of the most weapons of mass destruction on Earth. No other nation has fought so many wars, bombed so many countries, and killed so many innocent civilians in the last 50 years as they have. How can bombs bring freedom? No other nation has created so much suffering and hate.  The next wars are already on their agendas: Iran and North Korea all in the name of freedom and democracy? It was the Americans who tested the first atomic bomb on Hiroshima! Has the world become a better place, how many more bombs do we need for total annihilation of live on Earth?


Let us spread the message of peace of love and light to save our planet from total destruction, to counterbalance this brutal energy of war. I only have words and prayers to offer, against guns and destruction, against lies and manipulation, but there is nothing more powerful than an idea whose time has come. Pray to the Mother of the Universe to help us wake up to our true self, to guide us on the path of service to humanity, which will bring Bliss and true happiness. Ask her to help us develop our divine qualities, to become an inspiration for everyone, a beacon of light, to inspire love and peace wherever we are, to see only the good in our friends, family colleagues of work and to be grateful for all what we have received.


Simone, my niece of 18 came to stay with me for two weeks to study French. She arrived with a nasty cough and sinus infection; she said that she has been coughing ever since the New Year. She was coughing all night long. I went to the acupuncture treatment and asked the therapist what to do. He recommended using mustard in a peace of cloth over the chest, for the night, which I made and this night she did not cough even once. She still has sinus and ear ache, and this morning, she stayed home. I could not convince her to come with me to have some needles in her ear, which is more efficient than anti biotics.


Live like a brid, ready to fly. Nothing in this world is everlasting

A lotus for you.  Om Namah Sivaya Om Shanti 

With love thanks and deep gratitude    
Aum Amritesvaryai Namah   


Looking forward to hear from you

The Great Invocation is a mantram expressed by people worldwide.  Regular use releases energies of Light, Love and Power which can be anchored on the planet. The above Invocation or Prayer does not belong to any person or group but to all Humanity. The beauty and the strength of this Invocation lies in its simplicity, and in its expression of certain central truths which all men, innately and normally, accept—the truth of the existence of a basic Intelligence to Whom we vaguely give the name of God; the truth that behind all outer seeming, the motivating power of the universe is Love; the truth that a great Individuality came to earth, called by Christians, the Christ, and embodied that love so that we could understand; the truth that both love and intelligence are effects of what is called the Will of God; and finally the self-evident truth that only through humanity itself can the Divine Plan work out."  ALICE A. BAILEY